The question of what is important in life is actually quite easy to answer: it’s where I invest my time, energy, and money. To figure it out, I only need to look at my daily routines. But that’s where the problem starts. At the moment, getting out of bed is really tough. It’s cold and dark, and 7 a.m. feels way too early to leave my warm bed. I don’t have this issue in the summer though. I wake up at 6 a.m. and get up without any trouble. Anything else feels like a waste of precious daylight (just ask the night-owls who have spent a summer at our house). Ideally, it’s important to me to get up early and have some time to myself before the house gets busy. But right now, that’s not happening. And so, the connection between daily routines and values starts to blur.
Let’s try approaching it differently. Ignoring my behavior for a moment, let’s focus on a theoretical exploration of my values:
What matters to me? Moving my body every day, nurturing my relationships, doing something good for someone else, learning something new, living a reasonably healthy life, and taking time for my animals. Long-term, it’s important to me to put more positive energy into the world than negative, to be aware of my desires and dreams and work toward making them a reality. It’s important to me to accept life as it is—even when things don’t go the way I want them to (the universe and I don’t always agree, especially when I think my ideas and plans are excellent, yet the universe seems to disagree—but we’re working on it. Eventually, the universe will come around). And it’s important to me to take time each day to enjoy something—whether it’s a ride on my horse Buster, a particularly beautiful sunset, the perfect coffee (lots of milk with a bit of coffee and almond syrup), a hug, or a sweet email.
Then, there are things I try to avoid. I value not being jealous, holding grudges, or being distrustful. I don’t want to waste resources or food, accumulate unnecessary debt, procrastinate on things that need to be done, argue too much, always need to be right (even though, let’s be real, I am always right…), live in fear, or go into self-blame mode after a mistake. I also don’t ever want to take someone’s lifestory lightly.
So much for the theory. Unfortunately, actions still speak louder than words, and here comes the million dollar question: Why am I struggling to do the things I just listed? Why do I often find myself arguing just to win, rather than seeking a solution? Why do I sit at the computer instead of spending quality time with the people around me? Why do I get frustrated about not getting out of bed, rather than taking just two minutes to cuddle with Joey and start the day in a positive mood? Why do I keep putting off things that are important in the long term, just to watch a video (that I won’t even remember in a month), or search for the cheapest socks online? Why do I waste time worrying and overthinking, when I know that worrying changes nothing and no one?
If I know what’s important to me, and my decisions are aligned with my values, then the problem doesn’t lie with my values or my decisions. The issue is that I don’t take the time to make real decisions—I just let life happen. Every time I switch to autopilot, it seems like my values disappear into thin air, and my actions don’t match my words (or values).
The solution? When I live and decide with intention—and send the autopilot on vacation—then I have the opportunity every day, every hour, every minute to shape my life according to my values. Maybe it’s worth giving it a try.